Thursday, July 24, 2008

catching up...

I got married at 20, had my 1st daughter 12 days before I turned 21 then had my 2nd daughter at 23 and was going through a divorce at the same time. Things were not easy yet because of my very close knit family I was able to make it through the 1st year of life after divorce. For the first time I had my own apartment although I didn't have a regular 'job' - I was making money babysitting from home so I could stay with my girls. They had been through a lot up to that point and I thought that would be best. So after a year of barely making bills and having car issues like none other my mom decided it was better for us to move in with her in her tiny 3 bedroom 2 bath house. It’s a tight squeeze but in the end I think it will be worth it. My girls now have other family other than me and their father to look up to and be around to help me mold and guide their little lives.

Being a single parent is not easy! I have seen the movies and had friends that were single moms but this takes the cake. My situation is better than some I am sure of that BUT even though my girls’ father is in our lives and does pay child support – he is not the kind of father that he claims he wants to be. He is the lead singer of a local band – he is into the music scene and that is far more important that his daughters most of the time and it kills me. He made the visitation schedule and I agreed to it. You would think that 2.5 hours on Monday and Wednesday and then most of the day Saturday and Sunday on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends wouldn’t be too much since he picked this schedule BUT he misses at least 1 visit a week usually 2. And I am the one here to explain to our 3 yr old that it isn’t her fault and he does love her but he was too busy or the car broke down…or I just pretend like it wasn’t his day.

I am here for them all day every day and love it. I love our close bond – we are the 3 amigas. They are my world and I will strive to do everything in my power for them so they can grow and become good people. It breaks my heart every time I think of my own feelings as a child when I missed my Dad. I know that Bug knows what’s going on; Ro on the other hand didn’t even meet him until she was 4 months old because he said she wasn’t his! We had to have a paternity test to prove she was his daughter. That was a pretty expensive move for him since it cost almost 1k for both attorneys and the DNA lady.

1 comment:

Maria said...

Courtney, Thanks for your post on my blog. It led me to your blog and I loved seeing your sweet girls. I am really sorry to hear about what you've been though and can see that you are so dedicated to being the best mom that you can be. I wish you the best.